Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I've got a golden ticket!

Haha! Guess what! My ticket isn't actually golden. It's more of a white, paper color. It was given to me last night by a police officer.

Yup. It's my first traffic ticket since I was 16. Now lemme get my tiny violin out so I can tell you my sad, sad story.

There we go. :)

So last night, I was heading back to Provo from Lehi. I had gone up to visit my best friend, Justin, and spent a few hours playing with his Wii. (Don't you dare even smile at that.) If you've never played Boom Blox, you need to find a friend with a Wii and buy them the game. It's a blast!

The fun times we had enjoyed, however, would soon be overshadowed by the menacing glare of an angry, constipated cop. (He had that grunty, hurried expression in his face with just a tinge of excitement, as if he thought he were about to poop for the first time in months, but was incredibly mad at me for delaying this intestinal milestone.)

I was pulled over at the corner of 500 N and 700 E - a three way stop - at about 1:15 in the morning. When the cop asked me if I knew why I was pulled over I responded with an honest "no". He told me that I had failed to obey a stop sign. I almost asked him "which stop sign?" but thought better of it, even though I honestly couldn't remember seeing a stop sign I should have stopped for - hence the reason I was being pulled over. I reluctantly gave him my license and began to ask him if I could get a warning (I'm a damn good driver, and law-abiding, too!) but you can't reason with a man who appears to be consipated. He hurried (waddled) back to his squad car and returned a few minutes later with my freshly printed ticket. After a brief explanation of what to do with the ticket, he grunted some more, wished me a good night, and sped off. I imagined he returned to the station, disappeared into the bathroom, and, minutes later, raised his gun to shoot the ceiling; whooping and hollering in triumphant celebration.

I, on the other hand, returned to my apartment where in all of the underground parking we have here, there was not a single spot to be found. Mind you there were a few trucks that had parked so poorly, they rendered the parking spot next to them useless for all but a Smart Car. I eventually found a spot on the street, outside, a block or so from my place and, dejected and cold, walked home with my ticket in hand.

It was a rough night.

I need to appear in court in no less than 5 days and no more than 14 days. Once there, I have three options apparently. One, I pay the fine (which remains a mystery, as there is no mention of the fine on the ticket.) Two, I contest it (which I really can't do because I totally just ran the stop sign - a stop sign that stands in plain sight and that I have lawfully stopped for probably 200 times previously.) Three, I go to traffic school - the obvious choice, since it's probably much cheaper than the fine and will, with six months of ticket-free driving, remove any points that would have been put on my record.

I hear you can do traffic school online now, too. :)



  1. oh man that sucks Bar! But I laughed my head off at your description of him waddling off and pooping! LOL!!!!!!

  2. That's too funny! Well, the getting a ticket part really sucks, but it was funny how you described the incident. Why is it that cops ask you why they pulled you over? Do they honestly think you're going to confess to something? "Was it because I was speeding officer, or was it because I've been drinking heavily since 11:00 a.m. this morning? I also snorted a line or two of coke before I got in the car...and don't mind the funny smell coming from the trunk...that's just the dead body."

    I've only been pulled over once and it was when I was 16. I forgot to turn on my headlights while driving around the city and a cop pulled me over and asked me the same thing. I was so scared I was nearly hyperventilating! I only got a warning and I've never been pulled over again since then. lol

  3. Ohhhh man. I got pulled over while John and I were still dating in Sunset. I swear those cops have NOTHING to do besides traffic stops. Someone needs to give them some paperwork or something.

  4. Hil-ar-i-ous! Oh and BTW, I am now blogstalking you. Word of advice, you can plead "abeyance". It means you are not admitting nor denying guilt but are willing to pay the ticket and be on "probation" for a judge-determined amount of time. (And yes, that advice comes from my extensive "research" with the law. "Research", as we all know actually, refers to personal experience. :)